Friendship Rollercoaster Ride
07:45am
Good morning! Happy Monday!!!
I'm really excited for this week! I expect productivity at work to continue. And I'll be spending part of the week preparing for my California trip! Next Monday through Thursday, I'll be working from the little apartment I'm renting. But Sunday and Friday I'll be at Disneyland!!! The following Saturday will be a day of rest before I travel back home that Sunday. I also have the day off on November 11th for Veteran's Day. I'm not sure what I'll do that day just yet...hehehe
I didn't journal yesterday. I had a really good momentum going last week. But yesterday, I didn't get around to doing it. Throughout the day, my path didn't bring me to the keyboard to write here. And by the time I settled in the evening, I decided I didn't want to sit at the computer. When I woke this morning, I just felt like going back to it...hehehe
I did not end up having lunch with Valerie yesterday. As I've stated before, I'm grateful for the brief time our journey's crossed. I had hoped a friendship would happen. I hope I added to her life the times we took those walks. I know she added to mine through her stories. And I've been praying for her. So, taking thoughts of her to the Lord has been a blessing.
It was strange that I wasn't disappointed in not having lunch with her yesterday. I extended the invitation on Tuesday and she seemed quite excited about it. She even suggested we have a seafood meal at a seaside restaurant. It was to be a farewell meal as she is moving next week. But on Wednesday, she wanted to change it to having a pizza at the pool...hehehe By the time our walk was over that day, it became more of a we'll see how she feels on Sunday. When it didn't happen yesterday, I was already prepared. I had set my expectations with her on Tuesday, and she decided not to accept those expectations by Wednesday...hehehe The growth I've experienced this year enabled me to realize that it's okay when things do not work out quite like we expect or hope. But with the right heart posture, things work out better than we expect or hope for. God is always working out things for our good and for His Glory. And I have peace about things not working out for our friendship.
09:40am
In my Bible study notes from last week, I briefly described a weekly tradition at my parents' house. I decided I wanted to talk about it here today too. Last week's lesson was about the sabbath. Growing up, we went to church and had a sort of family day at home. Nothing too special. But it remains special in my heart because it was my childhood...hehehe
Once we all moved out of our parents' house, got married, and had children, our parents decided to host a weekly family lunch after church for whomever could make it each week. They would prepare the meal and we would all sit around this large farmhouse table. It was one of those tables that could extend or shrink depending on how many would be sitting around it. My brother and his family still have this lunch with our parents most Sundays. My sister and I now live in Florida and rarely get to participate.
I hope to enjoy this lunch with them all on my next visit. I originally planned to go up for a week. I'm now tempted to be there for two weeks...hehehe Cherie and I were talking about Thanksgiving week on our call yesterday. It prompted a thought that I may go to Indiana for Thanksgiving this year. At this point, it is merely a thought. But it would be the first time in about six years that I will have been in Indiana for Thanksgiving...LOL I stopped doing Thanksgiving years ago. Long story short, there were family issues with my in-laws back then that inspired being in Florida each year for Thanksgiving...hehehe
I miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with my extended family. They all still gather to this day...well, those who still live near grandma. I haven't been a part of those gatherings for years. My last marriage really did some damage...hehehe Damage I've already healed from and I'm ready to get back to former traditions I enjoyed. Although the fallout from my bad marriages isn't over in some hearts, it is for mine. Who knows, perhaps my being there will help heal those other hearts? There's a thought I should consider!
These are just thoughts for now. Being away from home for two weeks will not be easy. My life is in Florida now...at least for now. But I do think I'm at a point in my personal growth that will afford me the opportunity to spend two weeks in Indiana this year without fully disrupting my health. Food-wise, I could see if mom will allow me to make my own food. Sleep-wise, I do sleep well there. Exercise is still possible as I can take plenty of walks. And now that I'm sort of going with the flow instead of being set to a solid routine, I think I can manage to accept whatever schedule or routine I need to do to accept come what may for two weeks up there...hehehe
The main point I'm making is that for the first time in years, I'm very much looking forward to having time in Indiana...hehehe
11:20am
I've mentioned that I don't really have a routine right now. Well, technically, I do have a routine. There are still things I must do each day to manage my responsibilities. For example, I do have a day job...LOL I'm more talking about how I had established a very specific set of activities at specific times of the day. It was in an effort to find balance of mind, spirit, and body. I'd eat at the same time, walk at the same time for the same distance, shower, sleep, etc...all at the same times each day. I loved it.
Starting just over a month ago, all of that got tossed into the air. I still eat, work, walk, shower, sleep, etc. However, with the exception of my work hours, none of that is at the same time anymore. Even with work, I don't always start and stop at the exact same time each day. I get in my hours for the week and get the work done. But that's about it. I don't really know moment to moment what will come because there isn't a planned routine now. Guess what!? I love this too!
I think I wrote this the other day. But it was like I had imprisoned myself into my set routine. I had become a slave to it. It controlled me because I allowed it to. Now I feel free...hehehe
I took a short walk a little while ago. I only did one lap around the pond. That's because I stopped and talked to a few people. I officially met Karen. I've seen her walking around the complex ever since I've lived here. We've talked a few times. But this time I officially introduced myself. I also stopped at the Bark Park to visit with Lavender, Autumn, and Maddi. They happened to be out there at the same time as my walk. Considering the time it took to talk to all three women, I didn't have time to walk a full mile (three laps). I just did the one lap.
I was glad to be able to call mom and dad last night. Just like how my routine is more of a random go with the flow, I don't always call them at the same time or day anymore...hehehe I think I called near 9pm and we talked for about 45 minutes or so. I used to call them at the exactly the same time each Sunday and talk for exactly an hour. I'll not be able to call them the next few weekends. So I may try to call them on different nights. Like, next Monday night I should be able to call them. It will still be early evening in California. But it will be nighttime in Indiana...hehehe
I did a funny Budford song again today. This one was The Fox (What does the fox say?) that I aptly named The Budford. When he gets to the part of what Budford would say, it was all ME ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEE... LOL I think it was the other day when I was driving that the song came to mind. So I recorded it this morning...hehehe When I thought about it the other day, I was like, there is no more perfect song for Budford than that...LOL
02:35pm
Valerie texted me asking if I would be willing to help her move on Sunday. She then acknowledged she did not hangout with me yesterday for lunch and pondered if she had offended me. I wasn't offended whatsoever and then reminded her I would be in California on Sunday and would not be able to help her move. I did not apologize for not being able to help, though. My people pleasing self used to apologize for things I had no control over or for plans I had already made...hehehe This time, I simply stuck with the facts and didn't allow guilt to control me.
We exchanged a few more texts which included a statement that she did end up by the pool eventually. She wanted to read but ended up hanging out with some coworkers who were gathered at the pool and who must also live in our complex. Again, I did not feel offended whatsoever. In fact, I told her it made my heart happy that she was able to hangout with them before her move next week. I wished her my best for her move, as well. And she wished me her best for my trip.
Not only did none of that offend me, I wasn't even hurt. I honestly do not know why things worked out like they did. And like I said, I'm grateful for this brief moment in my journey. I genuinely hope that I at least added a little to her journey. And I'll continue to pray for her as the Spirit inspires. As for me, it was at the very least a good test of where my heart is these days.
The time I was suppose to spend with her yesterday, I spent praying and enjoying God's presence. I read a few chapters from the Bible for my Bible in a Year plan while sitting out by the pool. It was a pleasant experience. As I said earlier, it wasn't quite like I expected or hoped for. But it turned out so much better than I hoped or expected ❤️
04:30pm
After a meeting, I decided to go for a walk. As I passed the east side of the pool, I recognized Valerie sitting at the pool reading. I called her name and waved. She gave me that look of excitement to see me and wanted to talk. So, I joined her pool side for a little bit. We talked mostly about how she was feeling about her job change and move next week. I won't go into the details here because that's her story to tell...hehehe
But it was another reminder about how I deal with circumstances myself. She did ask me for advice. So, I shared with her some of how I handle these things now. It seems to have encouraged her. She expressed her appreciation for always listening to her. Her kind words are an answer to my earlier statement about my hope that I added to her journey.
She offered to have pizza with me tonight for dinner. I kindly accepted the invitation. Then I came back inside. Shortly after I got back, she texted and mentioned she may possibly have to change our plans to have dinner...hehehe She had forgotten she had made plans earlier for tonight. She is confirming those plans now to know if she'll have time to have that pizza...LOL She then told me she gets anxiety making plans with people. I completely understand. I hope I set her mind at ease when I told her I wasn't concerned. I told her if she was able to have the pizza with me, great! If she wasn't because of the other plans, great! Either way, she'd be with friends. That has been one of my prayers for her...hehehe
10:15pm
Pizza by the pool did not work out tonight. But something else happened...hehehe Valerie and I ended up going out for dinner. I offered to take her out on a date. But I reassured her it wasn't a romantic thing. I wanted to give her a no strings attached time to just hangout for the evening. We had a really good time. In the year she's been here, apparently she hadn't gone out much. So, it felt like a special evening. I hope she felt special because that's all I wanted for her tonight. Since she's moving this weekend, it was our last chance to spend time together.
Because I went out tonight, I didn't get home in time for the start of tonight's World Series game. The Dodgers were already ahead 3 to 0 when I got home...hehehe My sister had texted me a message about Freddie Freeman's home run. But she didn't mention his name or that it was a home run. She simply said, I love that guy!!!! LOL I had to ask her who she was talking about...hehehe I told her I had just gotten home and hadn't seen the start of the game.
I learned a few things about myself tonight. First and foremost, I am really grateful for my friends. Although I put God first in my heart now, I still highly value those who have invited me into their journeys. They add a lot to my own journey. I talked about a few of my friends tonight.
Something else I learned about myself is that I either don't give enough thought to my answers to questions or I need to be better prepared to answer questions. I start to answer and then somewhat stumble over words because I start speaking before I finish thinking about the question. I realized tonight I deal with this when I talk with Cherie sometimes. I think this is something I'll get better with as I continue to grow. Now that I'm healing and not overthinking so much, I can think more clearly and know my answers to questions. But I did struggle with this a little tonight when talking with Valerie.
11:05pm
I briefly chatted with my friend John over text today. Part of the conversation, he asked me if someone hurt me when I left theChapel. My response was something to the effect of I was only hurt by my own expectation. Them being unmet weren't intentional. My reaction wasn't the best. I mean, I was the one who left...hehehe As part of it, I had removed some friends from my FB account, including his. By the way, he wasn't one of the friends that rejected me. When I removed the friends from FB, I simply did all those I had met from theChapel without giving it much thought. I kept in touch with him offline.
I asked for his forgiveness for removing him as well. He reassured me he wasn't hurt by it at all. I don't value my connections on FB...LOL It isn't one of those social platforms I use to connect with friends who are online. I mostly still use it because my grandma is on it...LOL I never engage on that platform. So, my removing friends from it really isn't a statement for me. I only have a few real friends on it. It is mostly family. I'm pretty sure I know all of my FB friends in real life.
We also briefly talked about the satellite church that is opening up next month. I don't remember if I've mentioned it yet, but I do plan to go there to try it out when it opens. Yesterday, I watched the 9am service from theChapel at home.
The Yankee's manager reminds me of John in the face...hehehe
11:25pm
Valerie asked me if I could live anywhere, were would I want to live? It was one question she asked tonight that I was completely confident of the answer. I didn't stumble on my words whatsoever...hehehe I described my hometown. I talked about main street with boutique shops and quint restaurants. I described a coffee shop run by folks who had lived there for at least 50 years. I didn't tell her it was Mooresville. But Mooresville, Indiana is what I described.
I'd love to find such a place here in Florida. Or some other warmer climate place. I did spend some time talking about possibly trying to live in California. I wonder if I can find such a place there? Or can I come to grips with the climate in Indiana and move back there? Why does this keep coming up!?! LOL
The game is in the top of the 9th now. The Dodgers are ahead 4 to 0 now. Go Dodgers!!!
11:45pm
Dodgers win!!! Three down! One to go! Woohoo!!!
Final thoughts for the day...hehehe
Today's was a long entry. If you made it this far, thank you for joining me today. If you didn't, you won't see this...but I still thank you for joining me for as far as you could read today...hehehe
I'm grateful for my time with Valerie tonight. It reminds me how grateful for all my friends. This has been an interesting year for my friendships. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster...LOL Even today was a bit of a rollercoaster ride...
My goal is to become a better friend as my friendships grow. I always want to add to their journeys. I'm going to keep learning along the way and will grow.