Food for Thought, Woodpecker, and Sadness
Food for Thought
In part 3 of Food for Thought, I talked about some negative attachments I've had to people, places, and things from my life in the mid-west. Thankfully, I believe I have overcome the triggers for all the anxiety it use to cause me. Living in Florida has been just the reset I needed, I believe. I am grateful now for the lessons I've learned from that experience.
Today, I'd like to talk about what seems like a positive attachment, which may actually be negative. I wouldn't go so far as to call it toxic. But I'd like to at least examine how it could lead to similar toxic emotions such as those I've experienced from past pain and trauma. Just as negative experiences can be turned around for positive lessons learned, seemingly positive attachments can lend themselves to negative outcomes if they are established for the wrong reasons.
In the beginning of this Food for Thought journey, I had mentioned I had no anxiety, fear, or doubts about where I was going or what I'd be doing when I explored three botanical gardens on my birthday this year. As I further mentioned, this was unusual for me as I had dealt with those feelings for years. I believe I attached a friend to the positive experiences I had that day through my sharing the day with her through videos and photographs.
Before I continue, I will say there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying and sharing moments. Positive experiences can remain just that, positive. The thought I'm exploring today is how a positive can become a negative should it be based on the wrong motivation. Even in the following example, I'm actually keeping it a positive motivator through exploring the possibility that it could potentially become negative if not kept in the right perspective.
My relationship with my friend is probably the healthiest friendship I have ever been in. Sounds great, right?! But what if she were to suddenly be out of my life tomorrow? What if the Lord decided to call her Home to Heaven, or some major war broke out in the world and we were no longer able to stay in contact? Whatever the reason for us to be apart, would my visiting those gardens in the future bring me sorrow because I have attached my emotions of those experiences to this person? Although we are close, she isn't to me what my grandfather was in my healthy example. And she hasn't yet lived a long life. So, I can imagine my heart would be completely broken if something were to happen to her today.
A broken heart, in this context, really isn't the problem. The issue I'm addressing in this thought is one of the attachment I placed on her to the emotions I felt that day. As great as it sounds to attach someone to positive emotions, I do wonder if that is healthy in this context. I further wonder if having positive emotions that day should simply be related to my own personal experience with my day by myself. You know, the whole living in the moment sort of thing. By attaching her directly to my emotions, does this make me dependant on her to continue feeling joy, happiness, and excitement when I experience those places again? The short answer is, probably. If I hadn't began this Food for Thought journey, I might have become dependant on her.
Thankfully, I began this insightful journey into understanding healthy and unhealthy attachments of people, places, and things to positive emotions (joy, happiness, and excitement) and negative emotions (anxiety, fear, and doubt). It has enabled me to make the appropriate connection between that day and my friend. Yes, she was very much a part of it. No, I'm not going to attach her to the emotions I experienced that day. There is an exception to this, however. The joy I felt sharing my day with her will remain. It doesn't need to be an attachment exactly. It is more like a fond memory I have with her as part of our friendship story and not to the places I visited that day.
Now that I have detached my friend from my emotions that day, I'm actually left with two separate and amazing experiences from my birthday adventure. I have the personal experience I had by myself. And then I also have the fond memories of sharing my day through videos and photographs. No matter what happens now, the two remain isolated and will be positive. I really can't see a way for anything negative to happen with either using this perspective.
I think I'd like to explore something very similar to this in my next Food for Thought. It is sort of a cross between the negative attachments I spoke of last time and the seemingly positive attachments from today's thought. It's about some Disney World experiences I've had with people who's relationship with me became toxic. A happy place turned into a sad place for a time for me. I'd like to explore what happened at a high level and how I overcame it.
Woodpecker
A home is chosen
It must be built with patience
The sun lights the way
~ A Haiku by Greg Marine (2024/04/05)
A week ago on Good Friday, my employer allowed us all to leave work around 1pm for an early dismal to celebrate the Easter weekend. I honestly wasn't expecting it and it was a very welcome surprise. With the extra 4 hours I was gifted, I decided to visit the Nature Coast Botanical Gardens in Spring Hill, Florida.
One of my favorite moments from that experience was the red-bellied woodpecker in the above photograph. I spent about 5 minutes enjoying this beautiful creation working on building some homes in the tree. I took several photographs by which to remember the moment through. As I was reviewing them yesterday, I was inspired to write the haiku.
I cherish moments like these. It was simple. It was beautiful. And God has given me the ability to capture such moments through a lens. In this particular photograph, I shot through some leaves in the foreground. It was as if I was peering through into a secret place and watching God provide just what this creature needed to sustain its existence.
In my daily morning prayers, I first recite the Lord's Prayer from Matthew 6:9-15 in the Amplified Version (verses 14 & 15 are quite important). But after I do that, I then speak verses 9-13 in my own words. In regards to daily bread, I thank God for all the food and drink He provides to sustain me physically. I follow that up with thanking Him for the prayer and scripture that sustain me both mentally and spiritually. When I look at this woodpecker, or any other wildlife for that matter, I can't help but stand in awe of all that God provides.
Sad Week
As was mentioned a few (many) times this week, I've been sad this week. I searched my heart today to better understand it as I felt like my sadness was affecting other people. I was a bit out of character for myself this week...hehehe I also went down to Arcadia to visit with Dan to talk about it.
Dan posed the question, and I'm paraphrasing, Do you feel it is concerning something specific or just a temporary emotion. At first, I wasn't sure that it was something specific. But upon a quick ponder, I started to talk to him about how I don't have anyone here. And I truly do mean anyone. I live in a place where I have no friends or family. I've started to become friends with a few neighbors. However, I'm not remotely close to them. I invited Sam and Jan (some neighbors) to have ice cream with me last night. But they declined. Although I enjoyed the ice cream and shared the experience through video with a few of my friends via text, I completely lost it when I got home. I sobbed and ended up going to bed.
Sadly, this affected my ability to do my devotional with Chérie last night. I opened my book and I couldn't see through the tears. I'm being literal here. I closed the book and told her I wasn't going to do it last night and that I'd double up today; which I did...hehehe But it crushed my spirit to fail her like that. I don't mean fail literally, though. It was just the first time I hadn't been able to do it consistently in 20 days...hehehe So I committed and followed through with doing yesterday's and today's this morning.
When I moved here 2 years ago, my sister and her husband lived here. The day I moved into my apartment, my sister told me she was going to leave her husband. A few months later, neither one of them lived here anymore.
My friends from church all live quite a ways away as well as the church is not nearby. But they do live closer than my sister currently does...hehehe I do get with Kerry most Thursdays. That has been a huge help in this area. As for Dan and his family, they live in Arcadia...a little over a 2 hour drive away.
I'm not use to this. Back in Indiana, it wasn't difficult to find someone to hang out with on a moment's notice. Now, every engagement with friends or family must be planned out. Anytime I feel lonely and just want to sit and talk goes by without consolation.
I need to get better about reaching out to my friends remotely. It just isn't quite the same not being in the same room. Phone calls help a little. Texting works sometimes. But what about times like last night when I really just needed to sit with someone? It was great that Dan was available today. It was just what I needed. But, again, what about last night!?
God is teaching me something here. He is reminding me that I need to fully rely on Him in times of extreme loneliness. He is always here with me. ALWAYS! It isn't the responsibility of my friends and family to be here when I need someone to talk to. It's great when someone is around. But I cannot be dependant on that. I'm not saying that I don't have people to talk to. Because I do have people...hehehe Just because they aren't able to be here physically doesn't mean they aren't there, right? But God is always here.
My loneliness does not need to consume me like it did last night. It shouldn't get in the way of me being who God created me to be. It shouldn't come between me and Him. I need to trust Him and know that I can call out to Him when I need a little jolt of happiness.