Brain Dump

Warming: I wrote quite a bit today. I've had a lot on my mind. I thought about splitting it up into a few days. But why? I just hope you have plenty of time to read today...LOL

Summer Over?

A new week and a new month! Happy September! The beginning of the ember months...hehehe Many celebrate this as the end of Summer and start of Fall. I do not. I see it as the last three weeks of summer...hehehe Even when I lived in Indiana, it still felt like summer until October. However, when I was kid, this was about the time when school started. So, I suppose there was a time when this week felt like summer was over...LOL

I'm not really into how our society is blurring the lines of when holidays begin. In the theme park and retail worlds, Halloween has already began. I think they also refer to it as horror season or something. September should be a celebration of Summer. Temps are starting to go down. But Fall isn't quite here. October is for Halloween. November is for giving thanks. And December is for Christmas. That's how I've always viewed it.

Perhaps what I need to do is finally getting around to decorating my home with the colors and shapes of these seasons as I see them. I don't need to allow the rest of the world to distract me, right!?

Summer isn't quite over for me. That's okay...right?!

Disney Visit

The only thing I left out of my journal entries about my North Carolina trip was how I dropped by Disney World on my way home. Since I drove, and Orlando was on the way home, I thought it would be nice to end the trip there. Also, it looked like I would be arriving in the area around dinner time. Perfect timing, if you ask me...hehehe I arrived shortly after a storm had passed and was greeted with a rainbow as I entered the parking lot of EPCOT.

I decided to have dinner at the Rose & Crown in the UK pavilion. This was my first time experiencing this one, as the restaurant. I rarely do the table service restaurants at EPCOT. The many festivals they have keep my stomach full with all of the food booths. In the off season without festivals, I like to give the table service places a try. I really enjoyed the food, the atmosphere, and even the price.

I believe it is one of those restaurants not run by Disney themselves. I think most of the EPCOT table services are run by companies from their respective countries. Of course, the feel of cost is relative to the one paying...hehehe What isn't expensive to me might be expensive to someone else. Then again, most people throw away their thoughts on cost while they are at Disney. They know going in that it isn't cheap. Disney magic allows people to ignore the numbers...until they get home and see the ledger...LOL

The rest of the evening was pleasant. I walked around a bit. I also had a small bite to eat in the Japan pavilion. I always love their food and couldn't pass up the opportunity to enjoy it again...hehehe I enjoyed some people watching and the overall ambience of EPCOT. It is my favorite park, after all.

Journal

I believe I've mentioned this before. I've been going back and re-reading past journal entries. As of this morning, I have already gone through all of January and February. It has been nice to see how I've grown since the beginning of the year. Aside from that, I'm also logging key things from those entries I'd like to revisit or expand upon. I'm making note of all the Vitamin G I've added more context to. And I'm keeping track of ideas for possible chapters for a few of my book projects.

One of the many things that stand out is how my thoughts have evolved this year. As of the end of February, I hadn't yet started the daily devotionals I've been doing with Cherie. It is interesting to see how some of my beliefs have changed in such a short time. It has been almost six months since we started our devotionals. Yet, they have been an eye-opening, mind-blowing, and heart-growing experience. To see such results so quickly is encouraging.

As a side note: I got the first devotional book at the end of February, as mentioned in the Olaf Trifecta section of one of my past journal entries...hehehe I didn't start it right away. After a few weeks of it sitting on my couch, I decided to ask Cherie if she'd like to join me on it. Her response was Of course. We have been doing a devotional daily after her copy arrived in her hands...hehehe

I believe it is okay for beliefs to evolve over time. New information should help clarify our thoughts, right? Having an open heart and mind is a way to admit I really don't know it all...hehehe So long as my core beliefs do not change, I'm happy to keep an open heart and mind to learning new things. My deepest core belief is that God is my creator, He came to earth as Jesus to save me from my sins, and has provided the Holy Spirit to help guide me on this path. Everything else is just the details...hehehe

Labor Day

Today is a Federal holiday. I haven't always had Labor Day off from work. However, for the past several years, I've had the blessing of the day off. It is somewhat a surprise holiday for me. I never think about it. Then about a week before it comes around, work reminds us that we have the following Monday off...LOL I like surprises like that...hehehe

I had thought about going to Disney today. The Food & Wine festival began last Thursday. I decided to stick close to home instead. The weather is so unpredictable here this time of year. I didn't feel like spending my day off thinking about whether the weather was going to dump a bunch of rain on me or not...LOL As much as I love Disney, I just wasn't feeling it this time. I found myself going back to Zen Kitchen and Bar again..LOL

Zen Kitchen and Bar is in New Port Richey. That's the little town where I visited a few weeks ago with my sister. This is now my third time coming here in the last week. I think I really like NPR...hehehe I keep thinking I should probably move here next year. Of course, I still don't know if I will. I've temporarily ceased concerning myself with where I'll be moving. I am almost certain I'll be moving next year or the year after. But where is still a mystery.

A storm ripped through while I was at Zen. It poured rain and there was plenty of thunder. Which also means there would have been lightning. As I checked the radar, it appears Disney also got some stormy weather. So, good call that I remained near home...hehehe

Happiness Revisited

I've written and spoken a lot about happiness this year. I even wrote a lengthy journal entry about the subject that I never posted. Such subjects have probably been those I've changed my mind the most about this year during recent seasons of my journey. Happiness and loneliness being the two that have evolved the most, I think.

In regard to happiness, my most recent thoughts are that I have found the most happiness when I stopped pursuing it...LOL It isn't that I'm simply choosing happiness. It's as if it was trying to keep up with me as I was looking for it. I was running so fast that happiness couldn't keep up with me and I was looking in all the wrong places. And all I needed to do was stop to allow it to catch up...hehehe And catch up it did! I'm not really even trying to be happy. I'm just...happy. Cool, eh?!?

When I started to find rest these last few weeks, happiness snuggled right up next to me...hehehe It's like a little snowman I know. You may know him too. He likes warm hugs...hehehe

Beetle Train

This reminds me of the beetle train Cherie was talking about yesterday. All of these little beetles are connected and drawing me away from Jesus. But if I look back, there is Jesus with open arms letting me know He is always there. I just need to refocus on Him and not allow the beetle train to carry me away.

Of course, I'm not stating this so eloquently as she did and it may not be exactly what she meant in the moment. But we often take away different thoughts and messages when we think about what others say to us. We being anyone...not just Cherie and I. And every time we think about what we've said or heard, we may find new meanings. That's one of the other reasons I'm enjoying re-reading my past journal entries...hehehe

Judgemental, or Discerning?

I'm often hard on myself. I sometimes write about that here. I sometimes write about it my devotional journal. I think some of that is left over from those 21 years. I won't rehash that today. But I'm finding myself being far less hard on myself now. It's helping me be more honest with myself, not having such negative thoughts about how I thought I was. Self-judgemental, you know?

In yesterday's devotional, I realized I have been quite judgemental about today's modern church. Since Cherie and I had a face-to-face call and went through the devotional in realtime, I didn't share my journal directly with her. But I did read verbatim some of my thoughts. So, she posed the question of [am I] being judgemental or just discerning?

I appreciate her questions. They are out of curiosity and for clarification. They also allow me to truly think about what I believe or think. This particular question stood out to me yesterday. And I was able to answer it with confidence. I wasn't being hard on myself with this one. I truly believe there was judgement in my heart.

Today's church is what it is. I have drawn parallels to the modern church and the religion of Jesus' time. I might be right. I might be wrong. It's perfectly fine to have my opinions and thoughts. The opinions and thoughts aren't what is sin. How I feel about those thoughts and opinions, however, are where I have identified sin in my heart.

In my heart, I was truly judging the church. But I'm not the judge. Only God can do that. The church needs Jesus just as much as I do. I think leaving the physical church was more than just being about how the church was drawing me away from God. It could also be that my heart was being hardened by my own feelings toward the church. And I needed to walk away so that I could allow God to soften my heart again.

Being open and honest about that sin was freeing. The truth will set you free is more than just a clever statement or simply something Jesus Himself said. It is very much a living experiencing in my own life. None of my sins would be considered bad in human terms. The scale I use is based on what Jesus said about things such as if you hate a person, it is like you've murdered them in your heart or if you lust after someone, you've committed adultery in your heart. And again, I'm not being hard on myself this time as that's His scale and not mine...hehehe I'm just glad it is a freeing experience to confess such a sin to another believer.

I feel like I can finally move forward having learned from this experience. I can focus on the discernment of finding God's truth in the church today and weed out the false doctrines that can also be found in today's church.

Religion, Home, Vacation

While I'm on this subject. I've often said I'm not religious. I'm one who concerns himself more with a relationship with Jesus as oppose to an organization based on Him. If you've been following along on my journey, you may have noticed I often get hung up on words. Religion, home, and vacation are all words I've contended with the most this year.

I'm going to concede today. Yes, I'm religious. I may not be the typical Christian as viewed by the world. But I am a practicing Christian as a follower of Jesus Christ. I suppose my reluctance to be labeled religious is that I'm not the Bible thumping, pulpit pounding, self-righteous person that seems to be most associated with Christian. Why was I finding it almost offensive to be called religious, though? I'm changing my mind about the label. I'm fine being called religious. If someone is lumping me up with the negative image typically associated with a religious person, well, that just means I need to get better at expressing Christ's Love. It could also be that they aren't looking deep enough into who I really am. But that's okay. I can understand that.

I'm going to concede today. Yes, I have a home. I'll going one step further. I have several homes. Indiana is where I grew up. It is home in the sense of where I came from. Disney is a type of home because I find so much joy in being there. It is often referred to as home for those who love going to the parks; me included. My apartment in Florida is my current home in that I have a life here. I'm not quite building my future here yet. But for today, it is home. And I have a home I'm waiting for in Heaven. It is the home I'm working towards going to.

I'm going to concede today. Yes, I go on vacation...LOL While I was in North Carolina a few weeks ago, I looked up the definition and history of the word and concept. The root of where its American English form comes from is the act of vacating where one lives. So, no matter how I feel about it, I do vacate my home when I go someplace. I know the reason I fought that word. In my life, a typical vacation was to go somewhere and do something grand that didn't involve the typical routine. It almost always involved touristy things too. How I view what that means might be different than some. But it doesn't change the fact that, yes, I do take vacations.

It probably never bothered anyone else that I had contended with these words. It bothered me, though. Why do I fight these things in my head? Only God actually knows that...LOL But I'm happy He gave me an open heart and mind to be able to refocus my thought life. I'm not hung up on these words any longer for now...hehehe

I really wish I was as clever as Cherie at turning words like this to feature my name. I'm an odd one when it comes to my personal definitions with such words. So, it would be nice to come up with spellings of the words that reflect me a bit more...LOL Then I wouldn't want to contend with the words or definitions. I could simply change the spelling and be super happy...hehehe

Zen Kitchen and Bar

On April 4th, I went to Zen Kitchen and Bar for the first time. Kerry introduced it to me back then and I contemplated that day if it would become my new favorite local Asian restaurant...LOL The following month and half proved it did, indeed, become my favorite. I went every week during that period. I attempted to bring my parents there in mid-May. However, a popup storm happened and tore the roof off the place. Although they were able to fix the roof within a day or so, I didn't go back for quite a while.

The rest of May though the beginning of August, I didn't go...at all...hehehe There really isn't any particular reason besides trying to save money by eating at home. I had travel plans in July (California) and August (North Carolina). So, I suppose that is likely the main reason. A few weeks ago, I brought my sister there on our New Port Richey day. With it having been almost three months since my last visit, it was no surprise I was not recognized.

Well, I realize now, it must have been that I was with my sister and not by myself. I have now come to Zen several times since I brought my sister and they have recognized me each time...LOL The other day, one of the bartenders even mentioned there had been recent conversations about me and how they hadn't seen me in a while...LOL They had been wondering about me...hehehe

I went back again today and one of the owners joked about putting a sign on my chair that says Greg on it...LOLOL Can you imagine!?! LOLOLOLOLOL

They felt bad about something today. One of my recent transactions with them was way off. I noticed it this morning on my bank account. I brought it up today when I went. I overheard them talking about it and it sounded like there was a really long explanation for what happened. I wasn't worried about it at all. I figured it was a mistake that could be corrected. As it turns out, the correction has already been made. But since it is a holiday, the bank doesn't reflect it yet...hehehe I explained that I wasn't concerned whatsoever. I mean, I keep coming back, right?!? And they want to put a sign on my chair...LOL So, I tried to ease their mind about the trouble because it wasn't any trouble at all. As they began to explain what happened, I was like, no worries...just glad it was something simple.

Conclusion

As I've reviewed past journal entries, I've seen a few that were as long as this one. As it is a somewhat informal expression of my thoughts, I never do stick to any specific format or length. Sometimes, like in this one, I'll use subheadings throughout to separate individual thoughts. I like that simply because it is easier to search and link throughout.

It was good to get some of this out of my head today. Some days, I just need to write, write, write...hehehe