Soul Construction Ahead...Proceed with Prayer
07:45am
I've been struggling with my writing. Once again, I've written quite a bit. All unpublished. I never seem to finish my thoughts. And my routine has been a bit chaotic lately. It has been over four weeks now since I've felt like my days have been normal...LOL I honestly don't feel like this week will be any different. I'm considering trying a new routine altogether since I can't seem to get back into what was working a month ago...hehehe
I just finished reading Cherie's latest journal entry and watching her video from this past weekend. It looked like she had such a lovely day in LA. That makes my heart so happy. There were a few familiar things in the video from our day in July...hehehe I'm so glad she was able to experience the rose garden on her own. It was one of the places we talked about going to had I been able to go in September. But her being able to experience it on her own for the first time this past Saturday makes my heart so happy ❤️ In a way, I was still there. She sent me a little video and a photo from there. So I was there in spirit...hehehe
My day has started off quite different than most days. My prayer time to start the day was completely different than anything I've ever experienced since I started doing it over a year ago. This time, I woke up praying. It was like I had been dreaming it and then was doing it in real life. But I wasn't speaking the words aloud. It was just in my heart. I'm unaware of how long I was praying. So many things came to my heart and I prayed about them all. I have no idea if this will happen again. I typically make the prayer the first conscious thing I do for the day. In this case, it began from an unconscious state and transitioned into the conscious. So, not exactly something I can plan...LOL I've had similar experiences before. However, those were in the middle of the night and not when I was waking for the day.
I have a bit of a healthy anxiety about what is coming next for my life. It's an excitement with a little bit of fear of the unknown. There is Soul Construction Ahead...Proceed with Prayer.
10:00am
My morning at work hasn't gone quite like I thought it would...hehehe But that's a good thing! I've been much busier than expected for a Monday morning. Things are really starting to pick up in regard to the overall transfer of responsibilities from my old company to the new. It has been happening in phases. The first phases were all about getting people moved over, called re-badging. This past weekend had an event where they did something called re-branding. That involved changes the company names on all correspondence with customers. I think the websites crossed over as well. I believe customers were notified of this change a little bit ago. Well, now they will start seeing things as my new company...hehehe
The phase I'm personally in is all about transferring data and source code over. That process is very detailed for what it is. We can't simply just copy and paste files across the networks. Everything...and I do mean everything...needs to be reviewed by a team of reviewers before it gets transferred. So, I have to zip up all of the source code for my team, drop it in a for review folder, add a line to a ledger that says something needs to be reviewed, and then wait for the reviewers to examine the files...LOL After that, assuming the files are approved for transfer, there is yet another team of people who will actually transfer the files over to the new company. Once that is complete, I'll hopefully get notified so I can unpack the files and get them ready for use on the other side...hehehe
We are still months away from the final phases of this effort. It is a long process. In the end, all will work out. It always does. I'm not stressing about any of it. Some of my colleagues seem to be stressing. So, I'm doing all that I can to make their lives a bit easier. For me, I see where this is going and I can see the tasks that need to be done. Doing everything as it comes instead of becoming overwhelmed is working for me. I do the task that is right before me. Then I start to think about the next task. I haven't always been like this. I use to get overwhelmed looking at everything all at once...hehehe I have grown so much...LOL
11:15am
The Miracle Question: Let's say I were healed while I'm asleep. When I wake up the next morning, how would I know I was healed?
Pastor Doug posed this question for me last week. The miracle in this context is resolving the matter of where I belong in Christ's church. Of all my concerns and questions about today's church, it truly gets down to how I feel a lack of belonging right now. I simply do not know where I fit into it.
Days later, I still do not have an answer to that question. I mentioned to him that when I typically have an answer to a prayer when I wake up, I have a sense of peace and I've likely had a dream about the answer. He told me that I would not have a dream related to the miracle question...LOL He isn't speaking literally, of course. My miracle isn't likely to happen while I'm asleep...LOL And the miracle is a matter of spirit and not flesh. But the question of, How would I know the miracle took place, is quite applicable to the prayer.
Right after our call on Wednesday, I went for a walk. I ran into Gary again. His house was spared during Hurricane Milton but was staying with his son here in my complex because his power was out. The power was restored the day I ran into him after my call with Pastor Doug. Well, I asked him if he went to church...
He proceeded to tell me a story about an experience he had in church decades ago. It was an all too familiar story to me and one that exemplifies one of my concerns of today's church. I've been praying ever since, asking God if or how that conversation relates to my miracle. It seems important to me as the conversation happened minutes after my talk with Pastor Doug.
Was Gary's story one that was to remind me of why I'm struggling with where I belong or was it to show me that my own why shouldn't be my focus? Either way, God is bigger than all of the whys I can come up with for my struggle. After all, none of this is even about me...LOL God wants good for me and wants Himself to be glorified. So, I want to answer the miracle question: How would I know I was healed? It's time to wake up Greg...LOL
02:45pm
I took a walk after that last timestamp. I ran into Autumn and Maddi at the Bark Park. I'm going to miss them. They'll be moving soon. Our friendship is only just beginning and now they are moving away. I'll try to stay in touch with them, though. Which reminds me, one of the other recent people I've met here has been difficult to get a hold of. I hope she's doing well. We talked about taking walks. But that hasn't worked out much since Hurricane Milton. I was pretty excited about meeting new friends here at my apartment complex. But those new relationships have already started to fizzle...LOL I still have hope, though! The fact that I've been able to interact with new people has been good for me ❤️
While at the Bark Park, another one of our neighbors dropped by. I think I may have mentioned that I had a neighbor who attends the last church I went to, theChapel. She had previously mentioned that there was possibly a satellite church opening up in a theater down the street from us. So today, I asked her if she knew when that was going to happen. She wasn't sure. I decided to reach out to the one friend I still have from theChapel to see if he knew anything about it. He too wasn't sure. But he is on a team at the church that is meeting this week. He said he believed the satellite location was going to be discussed and that he would circle back with me later this week.
I'm going to pray about checking this out. It will be a streamed service from the main campus based from what little I do know about it. It would likely be a smaller group of people than the main campus. There are 4 services total. Each service is pretty packed. I'm hopeful that having a smaller group might help me connect with the church while still drawing me closer to God. I have hope in the Lord for this. But I won't put my hope in the church. I'm cautiously optimistic at the prospect.
I'm not so sure I'd consider this the answer to the above question. It is possible. But I'm not ready to jump to that conclusion. As I said earlier today, Soul Construction Ahead...Proceed with Prayer.
07:15pm
I took a rather lengthy and slow walk after dinner tonight. I had also just watched this week's episode of The Chosen. The number one thing that came from the walk was:
Never before...And never again...Will there be a moment quite like this ❤️ Just breathe
Whether or not this moment feels like a good or a bad one, all moments are a gift from God. Since He works all things for the good for all who love Him, and for His glory, all I really need to do in the moment is just breathe. I love Him and can trust Him with every moment since He created them all.
I also know the answer to the question. I'll know the miracle happened and that I am healed when I want to go back to physical church. That miracle already happened. I already want to go back. All I need now is to find where. I thought the where was part of the answer to the question. No, I was wrong...hehehe I couldn't get to where without first admitting my desire, or want, to return.
And there you have it!
09:35pm
Final thoughts for the day...hehehe
I didn't call mom and dad last night. After my weekly call with Cherie, I had dinner and rested a bit. I watched the Dodgers game, took a shower, and went to bed...LOL So tonight, I gave them a call. I talked to them about how my routine has been off for a month...hehehe I proceeded to tell them about the hurricanes and their visit...LOL They laughed and joked about how I lumped them in with the hurricanes...LOL So, yeah, I dealt with Hurricanes Helene, Mike, Kathy, and Milton...LOL j/k We had a good laugh.
Then I explained it was just that I had to work around all of those things, including them, and it has finally caught up with me...hehehe I told them I've given up on trying to find my way back to my routine for now. After all, I'll be in California in less than two weeks. So, what I'm going to do is try to find some balance in my life for right now...hehehe No need for a routine exactly. Just balance ❤️
Here is a journal exclusive announcement...hehehe I have finally decided I'm growing my hair and beard back! I'm not going to post any selfies for a while as I make the transition. And I'm not telling family just yet. The one person who reads this will know...LOL And the few people I see in person here will obviously notice...LOL But other than those few, I plan to start growing the hair for a few weeks as I go into my California trip.
My beard will be all set by that trip. But my hair won't quite be a thing yet. It will be noticeable. But I'll also be wearing hats in all of those photos. What I plan to eventually do with my hair will take quite awhile, I think. So, it will be months before that really gets going. But the fact I'm growing my hair again will definitely be known in a few weeks.
I'm glad I did this timestamp entry. I think I may do these for a little while. They help me focus my thoughts into manageable chunks. As I mentioned at the beginning of this entry, I've struggled with writing lately. I didn't struggle today...hehehe
Ooh! Also, I'm really enjoying this Bible study we're doing. The videos, the deep dive into the scriptures, the shared notes, and the discussion are such a blessing for me. We are now on week three, or episode two for the season, and it has been drawing me into prayer and deep thought about what God is doing in my life. There is definitely Soul Construction Ahead...Proceed with Prayer!