Storm, Magical Moments, and Food for Thought

Magical Renewal

Well, it's official! I've renewed my Walt Disney World Annual Pass for another year...hehehe Although I still had some reservations as to whether or not I should renew, I ultimately decided it was a good idea. If I go there at least once per month, it pays for itself anyway. And it is most likely that I will go more than once each month, if I'm honest about it...LOL

As sort of a celebration of the pass renewal, I decided I would treat myself to a quick trip to EPCOT last night. I got out of work a few hours early and drove on over. Once I arrived, I booked a reservation to Teppan Edo, the hibachi grille in the Japan Pavilion. With the sadness I have been feeling lately and the discovery that it is likely due to loneliness, I thought it would be fun to take myself out on a date...hehehe

Since I was solo, and the hibachi tables seat 8 people, I was placed with a few other families. The couple to my left was from SoCal. I don't recall exactly which town/city they actually live in. But they do have one of the Magic Key passes to DL and DCA and live close enough to enjoy them often. They were visiting WDW for a vacation. The lady complimented me on the fact I was treating myself to dinner...hehehe She assumed that's why I was by myself and she was right...LOL

Besides walking around for a bit and listening to a few of the live performances going on throughout the park, I did ride a few attractions. I rode Test Track and Soarin'. I don't ride either of those very often. So it was nice to do that last night. The crowd levels were very lite yesterday. I kinda wish I would have had a little more time to enjoy a few more attractions that are normally longer waits. Both Frozen Ever After and Remy's Adventure attractions had shorter wait times than usually. However, both were still too long for the brief time I was there since I took the time to have a nice dinner...hehehe

I didn't tell anyone I was doing this. I wanted it to be an intimate time with God and myself. I did take a few photos (above and below). But other than that, I just enjoyed the moment for what it was. There were a few times when I wanted to share what I was doing. But I had to remind myself that I was there for me. I am beginning to think that part of my loneliness is that I have been sharing so much of my alone time with others through texting and FaceTime. There isn't anything wrong with that, exactly. It just feels as if I had become dependant on that for my happiness. I need to have moments that are just for me so I can be just as happy and content in being alone sometimes.

I'll still share my experiences with others. That will never end. I feel a healthy connection with my friends and family is a great thing. It's just that I also need times like last night to enjoy being who I am without the attachment to people, places, and things that aren't always around. The only two that are always around are God and myself 😃 Enjoying my alone time is also very healthy.

When I was taking the selfie with Snow White (above), someone commented on how great a photo that was...hehehe He might have been poking fun. But then again, it was at Disney. Disney fans are a bit different. I believe that most people who say things like that at Disney are being genuine. I get comments when I dress with the Olaf theme and when I am carrying around my Olaf plush. All of which are positive remarks. By the way, Olaf did not join me last night. I was truly on a date with myself...hehehe

Food for Thought

In the previous installment of Food for Thought, I discussed what seemed like a positive and healthy attachment that might have actually been an unhealthy one. Today, let's take a dip into a topic about attachments that clearly had both positive and negative effects on me.

The Walt Disney World Resort is described as the Most Magical Place on Earth. In contrast, Disneyland has always been labeled the Happiest Place on Earth. Regardless how one thinks of a Disney theme park experience, it truly is a wonderful place to enjoy time away from the worries of life!

My third wife and I loved to travel. We both have a wanderlust spirit. Furthermore, we both have a passion for Disney. So, naturally, we visited Walt Disney World frequently while we dated and throughout our marriage. That is also where I proposed to her and we got married. And for a time, we even ran a business together making merchandise for people to enjoy at home and at the parks. You might say that Disney was in the very DNA of our relationship.

I will not go into details for obvious reasons, but our separation and divorce were quite unpleasant experiences, as one can imagine. Sadly, that left me with some resentment toward her and returning to places we enjoyed together were reminders of the pain I personally suffered. Was my passion for Disney lost when my marriage was? Almost! The joy, happiness, and excitement I once felt for the Most Magical Place on Earth turned into anxiety, fears, and doubts.

Those first few times I returned to Disney World after the divorce were a bit rough. I don't know if everyone goes through these sort of things. But I sure do. I had attached my feelings for a place and the things I did there with a person that had hurt me. And once I moved to Florida, my wanderlust spirit was all but completely gone. The anxiety, fears, and doubts I was experiencing at Disney World were bleeding over into my exploration of my new home.

In an effort to reclaim my enjoyment of Disney World, I started to replace the old memories with new ones. I chased after finding new magical moments with new friends. For example, last year I did a lot of meetups. Some were organized by other people and some I put together myself. But then I found myself getting involved with some toxic situations and relationships that weren't any better than what I experienced with my former spouse. And to be clear, it was the situations and relationships that were toxic. Not any specific people. Everyone I met up with were decent enough people. They just weren't all my people, if that makes sense.

So, once again, I began attaching people, places, and things with some negative emotions. A place that was suppose to bring me joy, happiness, and excitement just wasn't. I was chasing after the wrong things. I was looking for healthy ways of coping with my past and instead found myself repeating history in a way. This further caused me to build anxiety, fear, and doubt every time I left my apartment. Why couldn't I find enjoyment and happiness in my new home? It all reminded me of my failed marriage...

Whoa! Wait a minute! Light bulb! Everything I have been talking about in this Food for Thought thread has suddenly arrived at the summit! All of the joy, happiness, and excitement I previously felt for amazing places and things had become anxiety, fear, and doubts through the attachments I had with just one person. Furthermore, I allowed those feelings to affect future experiences with other people, places and things.

Of course, I've already come to this conclusion before writing this. And I've already been applying the lessons learned from these Food for Thought installments. I took the time to write everything as I was processing it to take myself on a journey. I wanted to understand why and how this could have happened. The only way I could see myself avoiding the traps spelled out here in the future was by providing myself this map.

But wait, there's more! I think I'll continue this thought experience by unpacking what I've learned and how I can apply it moving forward. A large part of overcoming the attachments that cause anxiety, fear, and doubts is forgiveness. Forgiving others and forgiving myself is all about the condition of my own heart. Those feelings are only a symptom of what is welling up from within. There is certainly more to this than simply letting it go. I'll explore that in my next Food for Thought.

Storm

A violent storm blew through today. I've had storms like this one head towards me several times in the last few years. Most of them have weakened as they came ashore. But this one did not weaken at all...hehehe It blew pool side chairs into the pool and the power went out...LOL Radar indicated rotation and a tornado warming was issued. With all of my devices yelling at me at the same time with this alert, I decided it best to take shelter.

While I was hunkered down in my bathroom, I began to pray and sign hymns. I also spoke out against the storm and told it how big my God is...hehehe Although the alert was alarming, the prayer and singing kept me calm. The storm was loud and violent in many ways. But it was also fast. It only lasted about 15-20 minutes.

The power was out for just over 2 hours. So there wasn't a huge impact. I checked in on a few neighbors to make sure everyone was okay. I took the opportunity to work through a few of my devotionals until the power came back on.

The funny thing to me is that we get hurricanes here every year. But the kind of storms that I actually worry about are these pop up storms. With hurricanes, we have days of warning and prep time. But tornadoes give you seconds or no warning whatsoever. I was used to them in Indiana. They are rare down here.

Thankfully there was a minimal impact here this time. I'm hoping that other areas in the path were equally fortunate. I thank God that He loves us and that He is my fortress and shelter!