Sophisticated Florida Man
08:30am
Good morning and Happy Wednesday! And Happy Hurricane Day...LOL Well, not so happy about that. But I'm also grateful I'm safe. I'm more concerned about those down south in the path of the storm. That concern is leading me to prayer. That's the silver lining for me. God is good and His Will will be done. My heart and prayers go out to those who are about to lose everything...again 😦
I've lost everything multiple times in my life. For me, that has helped me realize that nothing I have is truly mine and that it can all be gone at any moment. But that's just how I feel. I cannot imagine what others feel. We all manage loss in our own ways. One thing I'll never do is project my own feelings about stuff onto them. The things we collect in our lives have meaning to us personally. So, even though I no longer attach strong meaning to things myself, my heart breaks for those who lose anything that has meaning to them.
I've decided I'm going to do a timestamp entry today. I have things on my heart and mind. Sometimes doing a timestamp entry helps me get it all out throughout the day. Plus we can all see how the day progresses as I process my thoughts and feelings...hehehe I never go back and reword things or take things out when I do one of these. My typical entries could be edited throughout the day or in a single sitting if I only write at night. But this timestamp format is something I do differently...hehehe
The other day, I mentioned that this is an important week. I summed up why by mentioning the anniversaries of some important events that fall on this particular week. Although I did journal yesterday, I did not make mentioned of one of those events on it's actual anniversary. But it did come up in a conversation with Autumn yesterday. Yesterday was the official 19th anniversary of my suicide attempt and survival. I mentioned it to her because she has one of those semicolon tattoos for suicide prevention awareness. I hadn't noticed it before yesterday.
Now that it is officially announced on social media, I wanted to mention it here. My son's mother, and my first wife, is now engaged to her long time boyfriend. He proposed to her on Sunday. Not long ago, she mentioned they had been talking about marriage. My heart is truly happy for them both. Her and I haven't always gotten along well after our divorce. But beginning in 2019, healing began. These last five years have allowed us to grow as friends again. So, this news was such a blessing.
10:55am
It has been a pleasant morning with work. I've gotten a few things done and had a meeting with my team. The thing I sort of mentioned yesterday came up in the meeting. It sounds like it is unlikely to make an impact on us. I wasn't too worried about it. But having more information today does help ease my mind more...hehehe
Yesterday, I made tacos twice. I went with a plant-based chorizo for the protein. It isn't the bad type of plant-based. It is a clean version that uses peas for the protein source. And it is seasoned using the same spices that one would use for animal-based chorizo. Very tasty...LOL
For lunch today, I'm going to make shrimp tacos. I'll be marinating the shrimp in a Japanese sauce. I'll cook the veggies, mushrooms, and shrimp in the same sauce. I'm pretty excited to have tacos again today. It is a simple joy. But one that brings me happiness...hehehe
Something I really like about making new friends is what I learn about myself when answering their questions. In the moment, I focus on asking them questions and listening to their answers. But later, I get to thinking about my own answers to their questions. I use to second guess what my answers were...LOL But now I view them differently. I'm genuine in my responses. Since I don't really know how best to communicate with a new person, in that I don't immediately know how they communicate best, it feels like I break down my responses to their most basic sentiments. There is a kind of beauty in that. I think about how I would need to answer and I don't just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Then later, I think about it again because I had already given it quite a bit of thought when I answered. It's almost like journaling here. Except it is in real time as spoken to another person. The art of conversation...hehehe
I have several ways that I communicate. Spoken conversation is just one. This journal is another. My singing, dancing, photography, paintings, writings, and story telling are a few others. Those who have experienced all of these various ways I communicate have probably gotten to know me well. Each individual means of communication only show a small part of me. Combine them all together, and the picture becomes clearer. Or, maybe it becomes foggier...LOL I don't really know, actually...LOL I'll be the first to admit that not everything I say and do aligns...hehehe That doesn't mean anything bad. It simply means I'm still growing. When something is confusing, I can equate it to growing pains...LOL
11:45am
It's a Wonderful Life...title of a great movie, and title of my own life. I genuinely have a wonderful life. No, I don't like everything about it. Yes, it's my life and I love it...LOL Love isn't sunshine and rainbows. Love is giving it my everything without expecting anything in return. Sure, there is a little more to it than that...hehehe But I won't go any deeper because love can be different for everyone. For me, I can confidently say I love my life. I may spend some time in the coming days/weeks/months/years (however long it takes) trying to communicate what love is to me. Challenge accepted! LOL
Have I always love my life? Nope! My heart hasn't always been where it is today. There was even that time 19 years ago that I hated my life, and myself, so much that I tried to escape. Now, I have a completely different perspective on just about everything...hehehe Even the aspects about my life that I don't particularly like are parts I still love. That's because they are still teaching me lessons that I can further apply to those areas of my life that I really do like.
02:30pm
I've been thinking about how I overthink some things. Like when I want to ask someone something. I go through all sorts of scenarios in my head about how they will respond. Most of the scenarios are bad...LOL But if I never ask the question, I'll never have the answer. Worse yet, by my not asking, I'm denying them the opportunity to respond. The response is almost never what I expect and definitely never as bad as the worst scenario my mind can imagine...hehehe
Something I have tried to do this year to combat that problem is to start considering more positive outcomes. Looking at the positive possibilities kind of gives me hope and encourages me to get around to asking the question. A long time ago, I never wrestled with these things. If I had a question to ask, I just asked it. If I wanted to do something with someone, I simply asked if they did too. I was never afraid of the answers or anything. As I begin to process this, I'm wondering if those years of abuse were a cause to my overthinking? Avoiding questions or situations is only treating the symptom. The underlying problem is a timid spirit caused by the control of another person. Now that I'm now longer allowing myself to be bound to someone else's control, I'm free to be who I am again.
07:15pm
Milton is going to be making landfall soon. The front of the eye wall has already crossed over land. The official landfall is called once the very center of the eye is over land. It's hitting south of me as expected. As of now, I still have power. There is a lot of rain and wind going on outside here. I still feel safe. I'm watching live coverage from the MyRadar service I subscribe to.
When I look at the storm, it is tempting to be anxious. But I remain at peace. It is drawing me to praise God for being greater than us and greater than the storm. I'm more anxious about the folks down south of me who are going to be greatly impacted by the storm. My heart breaks for all the loss they will experience. As I've said before, I've had to restart my life many times now. I can empathize for what they'll experience. The only difference for them is that it is a storm taking away their lives...as in all of their possessions and possibly their homes. And in some case, their jobs. Entire businesses can be destroyed by such events. Yeah, my heart aches for them.
I just finished doing today's session of this week's Bible study lesson. I'm really excited about this Bible study...hehehe Starting it this week is helping with the peace I'm feeling with the storm. And it is helping me pray for the people impacted.
09:05pm
Milton made landfall at 8:30pm. I still have power. There will be lots of rain still. But the wind will be decreasing as the night progresses. I've been in contact with my friends and family closer to the storm. They are doing well too. I'm currently having my evening coffee and snack...LOL And I'm about to turn on the Dodgers game...LOL
On live storm coverage I follow, one of the storm chasers almost ran into someone with their car...eek! There was a man all dressed in black, walking a dog, in the eye of a hurricane, while apparently doing drugs in the middle of a highway...in the dark. I muted my iPad and prayed for the person. The storm chaser turned around to check on the person. I hope they ended up finding shelter. We don't know because the storm chaser left. By the way, the storm chaser is a professional meteorologist trained for being able to provide information during these storms.
I've been in contact with some of my neighbors through this weather event as well. It was nice to be able to go through this with others even though we weren't in the same apartment...hehehe
10:05pm
I felt like a sophisticated Florida Man tonight...LOL I was sipping my coffee, while eating a red velvet cake, watching a playoff baseball game...during a hurricane...LOL
Again, my heart breaks for those impacted the most by this storm. It will continue on through most of tomorrow too. The winds may die down. But the rain will keep falling and will cause flooding in places that aren't normally flooded. Those poor people.
Overall, I've had a good day. I'm blessed and God is good!
I'm going to call this journal entry complete...hehehe I'm glad I was able to write today.