Scattered Spaghetti
It was a bit of a rough morning. I use that word loosely. At the 30k foot view, it was a fantastic morning. But there was a moment of stress that reminded me of a scary part of myself. Again, I'm using that word loosely as well...hehehe That brief moment of stress made me feel like I might have actually gotten angry. It has been so long since I've been angry that I don't even remember when that was. I didn't want today to be the day when I'd have to restart that clock...LOL But I didn't get angry...hehehe
I have a love/hate relationship with technology. When it works and I understand how it works, I love it...hehehe When it doesn't work or I don't understand how it works, I hate it...ugh! Once again, I felt really old today for a brief moment. The technology was working just fine. I just didn't understand how it worked...LOL Another way to say it, it wasn't working the way I thought it should...hehehe I can be a square peg trying to fit into a round hole sometimes. So I walked away...hehehe
It's my understanding that cortisol is the stress hormone. My guess is that what I was experiencing caused my body to produce an extra dose of cortisol to trigger my flight or fight response? It does a lot more than that. But I'm guessing it had something to do with how I felt in the moment in this context. A previous version of Greg would have fought the technology until it did what I wanted...LOL I decided to walk away...or take the flight approach...hehehe
What resulted was I ended up making posts on Instagram and Facebook in the Stories feature. What I wanted to do originally was produce a single video from 4 clips. It seemed like a simple task. But I couldn't get the apps I have to do what I wanted. They all kept making the video in the wrong aspect ratio...hehehe I use to produce videos all the time. But it had been a while. The apps work slightly differently than I remember. So the issue is definitely me. I'm sure it is just as simple today as it always has been. I just need to learn the new way...LOL I'm an old dog. New tricks take me a little longer...hehehe I prefer the old way of simplicity. The bells and whistles of a lot of today's apps confuse me. I just wanted to splice the videos in the aspect ratio I recorded them in. It seemed easy to me. I couldn't figure out the apps I have...LOL
Just to be clear, I just wanted a basic edit function to splice 4 videos together into one. No transitions and no sound. No fading and no text...hehehe When I want to produce a more complex video, the tools I have will be just fine. My view of the tools I have were too complicated for such a simple task. I asked Chérie what she uses for the short videos she sends me sometimes. She uses Splice...LOL I laughed at the name of the app because the name says exactly what it was I wanted to do...hehehe I downloaded it and created the video I wanted to created this morning. It worked exactly as I expected...hehehe Too bad I didn't have it this morning...LOL Oh well. That's okay. I'm glad I have it for next time...hehehe
Wow! 5 paragraphs about a single moment of my morning...hehehe Why is it that I allow such a silly thing to make such an impact on my life? That's a priority check moment...LOL
We had an all hands meeting at noon today. Wait!?! What?!? At noon??? hehehe I suppose not everyone thinks the way I do. But 12-1pm seems like the ideal time for lunch. We are required to start working at 8am. We are required to work until at least 5pm. So, 12-1pm is that sweet spot in the middle. Of course, I imagine not everyone takes an actually lunch break. The people who plan meetings at the noon hour likely don't...LOL
I also see some folks log into work before 8am and are still working away past 5pm. I use to be that guy. At the job where I learned we are a family is a red flag for a toxic work environment, I was often there opening up the building before the sun rose and I was the one who locked up well after the sun set. That experience did a lot of damage to me...hehehe I'm over it now, though. When I started to work from home, I knew I needed to get that out of my system. It is far easier to overwork from home than when there is a commute to and from an office...LOL
That reminds me...I finally told my parents that I don't plan on remaining in this career for much longer. I told them I'm considering an early retirement from this career in order to pursue what I'm passionate about. They didn't realize I chose this career to provide for a family. They always thought I had a passion for this. Being really good at something and having a successful career doesn't mean it is a passion. For me, this as been a means to an end. And the closer I get to the end of the career, the more I realize how much I just don't want to do it any longer.
That said, I'm happy to do whatever God has called me to do. If He continues to Bless this career and open doors, whether I am knocking or not, I'll continue with it. Nothing about this career is holding me back and keeping me down. I'm thriving, actually.
Side note: I just checked the battery level on my MacBook Pro. It's currently at 33%. I have no idea how long that leaves me before I need to charge. But I haven't had it on charge in over 2 days. I've used it quite a bit in these 2 days. I'm super happy with the quality of the battery life in this thing...hehehe
I do enjoy what I do for a living. So, my desire to leave the career has nothing to do with fulfillment. It has more to do with where my passions are. I love to create. I'm limited in how much time I have for that with a 40+ hour a week career.
Lately it has been easier to create. With my current schedule and routine, I actually have a lot more time and energy than I use to have. I hope this isn't just a season. I hope this will become a lifestyle. It allows me to continue doing what I must do for a living while still having the capacity to do a lot more of the things I want to do for a loving.
I spoke with Malachi twice on FaceTime today. He had the day off from school for Juneteenth. He didn't really understand the holiday. So I took the opportunity to explain it. It has only been a national holiday for like 4 years now. Some businesses have it as a holiday now. My company does not.
One of the topics I discussed with Malachi was about living with me. I had been thinking more about it these last few weeks. I pondered the thought of moving back to Indiana for at least a year. So I brought that up with him. I asked if he would consider living with me for up to a year if I moved up there. His initial reaction was that he didn't want me to move up just so he could live with me. He knows how happy I am living in Florida.
I went on to explain how I am not yet settled. I do think moving to Florida was a good decision. But I further explained that I am at a point now where I could be happy anywhere. My life is temporary and happiness is a choice. I've honestly thought about the possibility of living elsewhere. Not just in Indiana. One of my bucket list places to live is Japan for a year. I've also considered North Carolina, Texas, and California.
There are pros and cons to every place I've considered. But something I've learned is that where I fix my gaze, that's where I'll look. If I look at the negative, I'll find it. If I look at the positive, I'll find that. If I were to focus on the positive, it doesn't mean I'm not aware of the negative. It just means I'm not allowing those parts to control me. With that said, I've come to the conclusion that I need to fix my gaze on God. Regardless of the negatives or positives, making myself available to His Will brings me to the contentment He wants for me.
I need to get organized...hehehe Everything creative about me is scattered at the moment. I have tons of photos, several written works, and paintings that are all over the place. I have started a few new projects I haven't yet even talked about. All of these things are somewhat all over the place. It is sort of like throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks...hehehe (I had left over spaghetti for both lunch and dinner...so that analogy was fresh in my mind...hehehe)
As I've mentioned a time or two, I am working on setting up subdomains for my website. I did work on that over the weekend and it helped me get aligned on one of my new projects. I'd like to tackle the sites for my art and photography next. I have plenty to put up on those sub sites. I've technically already started the art one. I just haven't gotten into a cadence of updating it yet. With this new schedule and routine I'm on, I think I can start to make time for these things.
I think something that will help is taking my Taco Tuesday approach. I can set aside specific days of the week for specific projects. And like Taco Tuesday, it doesn't have to be a strict schedule. I do tacos most Tuesdays; not all. So I can take that same approach to my creative works. For example, I can plan to do paintings on most Mondays. The point would be to set a cadence that suits me well and helps me organize my thoughts, and therefore, my creativity.
It's something to think about and try doing. At least it would be me moving forward with all these ideas of mine. Right now, most of it is just sitting there waiting on me to do something with it...LOL Doing something is far better than doing nothing, right!?! I am not planning to make any specific goals, though. I just want to find a balance. I suppose, in a way, I owe it to myself to do it. Balance is important, as is the fact I've created things.
I use to think I wanted to leave some sort of legacy or something. I'm not really interested in that anymore. I am who I am. Putting myself out there is no longer about being remembered. It's not: so, look at what I did. I'm talking about: so, how can I encourage you today? Creative works impact everyone in different ways. Perhaps what I've created may bring something out of someone someday that helps them deal with their life? That is what happens with Vitamin G. Can everything else do the same?
God has Blessed me with these gifts. I believe it is time to bring it all into the light.