Calm Before the Storm

I normally title my journal entries after I've written them. That is typically so that I can title them with the main highlights of what we're about to read together...hehehe Today's title came before I wrote the entry. It is aptly named because Hurricane Helene is lurking out in the Gulf of Mexico. That's right! The tropical storm I mentioned yesterday is definitely a hurricane. It's predicted strength keeps increasing too. As of this writing, it is only a category 1. However, they are starting to predict it may become a category 4 before it makes landfall. Considering the original prediction was only a category 2 level, I'm guessing it could potentially be a category 5 by the time it actually does make landfall.

As the title suggests, I'm sitting in the calm before the storm. I mentioned yesterday I was bugging out to Disney. I left home around 2pm and arrived here around 4:15pm. The weather permitted me to make a quick trip to EPCOT for the evening to have some festival food, enjoy a ride in Mexico on the Grand Fiesta Tour attraction, and take in one of the concerts from the Eat to the Beat concert series. This included one lap around the World Showcase...about a mile in length. Overall, it was quite the enjoyable evening ❤️

There have been a few moments when I felt bad for coming to Disney when so many people are staying put back home. But this is my life and that is theirs. I was given this opportunity as a gift and I shouldn't feel bad for it. I'm learning to live my life as I'm suppose to live it. If that includes the ability to escape a storm by going to Disney, that should be okay, right?! I could have gone to a different hotel. But why? There really isn't anything wrong with coming to Disney if I have to stay in a hotel anyway. No one is making me feel guilty for this. It was just something in the back of my mind this week.

My family is thrilled I left the gulf coast well before the impact of the storm begins. I don't always leave. But this storm is quite different from others I've experienced. I didn't hesitate to make my plans to leave. And I do feel Blessed to be able to afford Disney. Plus, Disney is one of the safest places to be in Florida. They are well equipped to weather hurricanes. Whether or not they planned that from the beginning, I do not know. But they are at least that way now...LOL

Something else that happened today was my phone call with Pastor Doug. It was the beginning of a conversation about how I'm feeling about church these days. Our conversation was enlightening. I'm not ready to go into the deep end of what we discussed today. I'm still praying about and processing it all...LOL I know this is only the start of this part of my journey. I'll likely setup another call soon to continue the conversation.

One thing I am ready to mention, though, is the idea of comfort. One of the benefits of virtually attending Sunday services from home is that it is comfortable. That can be nice and provides some rest from the tug-o-war I was experiencing in the physical church. I felt drawn away from God when I am suppose to be drawing nearer to Him...LOL Doug asked me if, in the nearly three months I've been away from the physical church, I had been growing in my faith and closer to God. I immediately responded with an absolutely, yes! That response was good news to him. He feels it is okay that I'm in this season right now and that it provides the comfort I need.

I didn't tell him that I didn't like the sound of comfort...LOL I don't grow in the comfortable times...LOL I'm okay being comfortable for a time. But at some point, I need to step back out of my comfort zone in order to keep growing. I'm glad I'm still growing now despite being in the zone of comfort for the moment...hehehe But one of his other questions was about whether or not I knew what I need to look for in myself to know when it is time for that next change. Like, do I know how to tell if my growth has stopped...or something like that. To that I responded with, no, I do not know.

I could not be more genuine in my response than to admit I simply do not know what to recognize in myself to determine what happens next. Those four simple words, I do not know, are the beginning of the search for knowledge and understanding. I honestly didn't see this season of my life coming in the first place...LOL I thought when I went back to church three years ago, I'd remain in the church for the remainder of my life. Yet, here I am back to being away from it. Fortunately, this time I am remaining plugged in weekly through a live feed. Plus, I'm in a daily walk with Jesus. I'll be keeping my heart open to recognizing the signs of sliding back to the state I was in back in 2016. I do not want to go back to that...LOL Reaching out to Doug is a part of the process of seeking wise counsel and understanding God's Will for my involvement with His church of today.

This comfort season I'm in at the moment feels somewhat like the aforementioned calm before the storm. I know I must face the issues I have with today's church. I feel prepared for that eventuality. As I have mentioned before, one of the things I faced last year was my past trauma. Rather than treating the symptoms of my past, I needed to face it head on and resolve the underlying problems. The same is quite true for what I'm dealing with concerning the church. Leaving the physical church is only treating my symptoms. It isn't going to resolve the problems.

So, just like the medications I use to be on to treat both physical and mental health concerns, I can only rely on this virtual church season as a temporary measure to prepare me for dealing with the roots of my problem with today's church. The rest of my conversation with Doug has given me plenty to pray and think about in the process of preparing for that. I'm so very grateful God provided us the opportunity to talk today. It was so encouraging to know that I truly do have hope in this area of my life. I was beginning to lose hope for a moment. And just like I am no longer on any medications for physical and mental health, this spiritual medication will eventually be out of my system and I'll be on the path of recovery and healing. I can see myself overcoming this like I did the physical and mental...because God is my strength. He has provided all I need to do His Good work. This is no different. Praise the Lord!

In preparation for the possibility I may not be able to get to the food court tomorrow, I stopped by the food court tonight to get some refrigerated food like salads. If the impact of the storm prevents me from being able to go across the hotel property to the food court, I wanted to be sure I was well stocked for a day or two. The hotel room itself is very safe. But I will not walk through a storm to go get food...LOL I had brought some unrefrigerated foods just in case. But when I was coming back from EPCOT tonight, I realized it would be smart to grab some salads too...hehehe I'm all set just in case I cannot leave my room tomorrow.

The hurricane will be way out in the gulf. But this is a huge storm. Most of the state will be impacted by high winds and rain. Disney's power grid and communications are well suited for such a storm. So, I'm good to go! Like I said earlier, it is one of the safest places to be during a hurricane.

While at the food court tonight, I was a bit clumsy...LOL I dropped some of the food and it crashed on the floor...hehehe The Cast took care of it and replaced the food at no extra cost to me. In the past, I would have been embarrassed by what I did. However, I wasn't one bit this time. I did apologize for my clumsiness, thanked her, and told her I was just such a mess tonight...LOL She insisted it wasn't a problem...hehehe I'm just glad I wasn't embarrassed this time. What happened wasn't intentional. Disney is prepared for such things. And no one laughed at me except me. Yes, I did laugh at myself about it...LOL

Just before it happened, I had been explaining to her how I was preparing for the possibility I wouldn't be able to leave my room tomorrow. I'm not nervous about the storm. But I am a tad out of sorts. I've never been at Disney seeking refuge...hehehe So, this is a new experience for me. Dropping some food is the least of my concerns. It just so happens that doing so was the directly result of what I do have on my mind...LOL Not just the storm, but also the church stuff...hehehe Not-so-calm before the storm, I guess?! LOL j/k LOLOL