Am I Positive?

Do I typically come across as a positive person? The responses I get from people, especially on social media, seem to indicate that’s how people see me. Part of me doesn’t want to care how others view me. But I’d be lying to myself if I said I don’t care. I really do care what others think. I suppose that’s okay. I just need to learn to not allow that to keep me from making certain decisions.

I’ve been holding back in my writing lately. I’m working on a new way of thinking that keeps me in a positive mindset. That’s why I was thinking about whether people see me as a positive person or not…hehehe In my journal, it really shouldn’t matter what people think about me. I should write however I want. But then I got to thinking about how I want to train myself to remain positive. Sometimes I write some very negative things. And lately, I’ve been deleting those things.

I’m also trying not to write as deeply. I have some pretty deep thoughts. But not everything I think should be expressed in this medium. I removed an entire journal entry from a few weeks ago because I saw two issues with it. One was some thoughts I had about church. The other was a deep thought about time and space as I was inspired by Psalm 139. After talking with friends about the church thing, I decided I wanted to remove that. And then I reread the deep thoughts from Psalm 139 and realized I wanted to remove that too…hehehe

Why does this even matter? My heart is changing. No other reason. It isn’t about what others think about me or about what I say. I’m deciding I don’t always like what I’m thinking or saying. I don’t mean that in any negative way. My self evaluation is just giving me a new perspective and helping me channel my thoughts through a cleaner filter of sorts.

Sunday was a pleasant day. I went to my parents’ church; which was my former church from years ago. I hadn’t attended a service there in almost 8 years. My reasons for leaving that church are actually one of the thoughts that inspired some of what I said above. I wanted to reshape how I felt about that season of my life. I previously had nothing positive to say about it. The other day, I almost wrote about it all. But I stopped myself because I didn’t want to carry that negative energy any longer. You know what, it worked! I had a pleasant time worshipping and receiving a powerful message. I don’t think that would have happened so well if I were still carrying the negative emotions that day.