Health, Vitamin G, and Relationships

Broken Record

Sometimes I feel like I'm a broken record sitting on the player sort of on repeat. In the context of today, it is in regards to my health journey. I posted some exciting news on my social media accounts. And these posts always seem to get a ton of engagement. But should I keep talking about my progress?

The first of the big news was that I tried on a medium size shirt for the first time in over 20 years and it fit. Although losing weight wasn't the original goal, the fact that the results of just wanting to feel "good" had the added bonus of weight loss was a huge plus. If I compared my largest size to what I am today, I have lost an entire person in weight. 280 lbs down to 165 lbs!

The second piece of good news was that shortly after I posted my medium size shirt news, I went out and ran a 5K in personal record time. Today just felt like the day I would accomplish a new personal best. As I ran, I just kept going. I didn't even take any walking breaks this time. I just kept on running.

I didn't know I had run my personal best until sometime later. I opened up Apple Fitness and saw that award. I literally broke down in tears, feel to my knees, bowed to God, and thanked Him for bringing me through everything to get to this moment. I then, once again literally, jumped to my feet and praised God with arms lifted high. I repeated this a few times. I can hardly believe that I can even fall to my knees and jump up onto my feet. That is a miracle!

My posts about this have been getting attention. I even made mention of the thanking God part. Perhaps that will be a good witness. But I still feel a bit guilty for posting about my health journey again. That seems like last year's news. I'm not sure I should feel guilty, though. Should I?

I'm still a work in progress, making progress. I want to bring others along on this journey. I'm hopeful that my posting these things will help encourage others. The part I'm not sure gets across to people is that I was not in a great place physically when this began. I looked like I was strong. But never was. I did look obese. But I didn't look like I had the heart trouble I did. I always smiled. But no one knew I was in constant pain.

Now I can lift heavy (to me) objects and carry them a great distance. I'm now as thin as I was in my early 20s and my heart is doing great. And my smile is no longer covering up physical pain. It is a true testament to God's restoring power in the human body. Especially a body I had not been taking care of for decades!

Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself again. Maybe I should keep talking about this life changing process. Maybe someone out there needs to see this so they can become motivated. I don't really know. Of all the struggles I've overcome, the one that still eludes me is confidence. I often post and then retreat expecting that what I posted will not be well received.

Imposter syndrome is a real issue for me. Whether it be my health journey, my abilities at work, or even my art, I far too often feel like I'm being an imposter. This is an area I really need to work on!

No Vitamin G?

Speaking of that, I didn't end up doing any official Vitamin G today. I began writing one. Then deleted it. I then wrote another one. Click, deleted! I went for a third and backspaced out of that one too. I almost gave up completely. But then I ended up posting something I felt needed to be said:

The struggle, it’s real! But we aren’t alone. There is always someone we can reach out to. We just need to make the effort to do so.

So we must ask ourselves, “Do we want to keep struggling or do we want to do something about it!?”

I hope you have a terrific day 🙌

That one was something I was bold enough and confident to say. Yes, the struggle is real. But so is our strength to overcome it. There is always someone who can help. If I can reach out for help, anyone can. I'm the weakest person I've ever known. All of my experiences have led me to finally saying, "Do I want to keep struggling or do I want to do something about it!?"

It was almost 4 years ago that I finally decided to do something about it...LOL If you look at the date today (2024/02/20), you can probably guess what was going on almost 4 years ago...hehehe It is like March 2020 is an epoch of sorts. It is at least one in my life.

Yes, I still struggle with things. But it is so different now. Making that choice to start doing something about it goes way beyond all the counseling I've been through and all the medication I've been on for mental health. The counseling and medication just treated the symptoms. It never really got to the root of my issues.

After 4 years, I'm still learning to discover those roots. I'm still finding them and figuring out the causes of everything. I can safely say, though, I'm facing everything with such a better attitude. When I go back and re-read these journal entries, I'll know what I mean. It's hard to describe it. Some of what I say here may seem contradictory. However, on the surface, I'm just talking it all out. Deep down I know I'm doing great!

Dinner

Although I have enough in my fridge and freezer to have made dinner tonight, I decided I'd go out. Nothing I had really hit that I gotta have it sweet spot today. I ended up at my previously favorite restaurant, Whiskey Joe's. It has been quite a while since I've been there. It was at least since October last year. And even before that, it had been months. I don't frequent it as much anymore. My diet and exercise has pretty much ended my going out when I'm at home.

With it being Taco Tuesday, I decided to go for their tacos. Turns out, they were on sale! So I got a set of Mahi Mahi tacos, and another set of shrimp tacos. Each came with a helping of chips and salsa. I just brought the chips and salsa home for a snack later this week...hehehe

There were at least 4 people who worked there I recognized tonight. They were acquaintances I talked to on so many previous visits. Not a single one of them recognized me this time, though. Of course, I don't blame them. I hadn't been there in a while and they see all sorts of people all day every day. Also, I have lost so much weight and I shave my face now, I look so different than I did last year.

Being who I am, I didn't say a thing to any of them other than what I'd say as a new customer. I thought for a moment one of them might have recognized me. But I think she was just being her normal friendly self. She did not say anything to me, though. I'm okay with that. I should have probably said something to them all myself. But that's not really who I am. Unless someone showes interest in talking to me, I normally just shy away myself.

From time to time, I'll initiate a conversation. That's me stepping out of my comfort zone. I need to do that sometimes just for practice in talking to people. This is an area that is so incredibly difficult for me. On occasion I'll offer my phone number to someone to keep in touch. But that is extremely hard for me.

Growth

I grew a little today. It's hard to explain what that means. But I think part of my soul made a little impact on the world. Perhaps I'll explore this a little more this year. I always try new things. It isn't always easy. But new and different seem to help me grow.

I know plants don't have a conscience. But I sometimes feel like this little flower that's growing in the cracks of a sidewalk. I recently took a photo of some grass that was growing up in one of the sidewalks I jog on. In it, the grass appears to be looking up to some palm trees.

I'm like that little grass looking up to the palm trees that are people who are outgoing. Some people seem to be able to carry themselves well in most situations. I long to be the type of person who can do that. I'm okay with who I am. It's just that sometimes I can sense that someone needs me to talk to them and just don't have the confidence to speak up.

That said, recently, I'm beginning to feel the strength to speak up anyway. I'm realizing that if someone rejects my attempts to have a conversation, my life can be no different afterward simply because that person wasn't in my life already to begin with. If they reject me, nothing really changed. I should simply move on.

This same principle can apply to relationships I have of any type. Sure, losing a friendship or a family member can leave a hole in my heart. But the truth is, I don't always have them anyway. For example, at this very moment, I'm sitting alone at home. There isn't anyone else around. If every single person in my life were suddenly gone forever, I would have to deal with that the same as this very moment.

I realized today that I'm not lonely. Yes, I am alone. But the absence of people in my life doesn't mean there is a hole there. I use to be a lonely person. That loneliness drew me to people who didn't love me and took advantage of me. But now I invest in relationships that value me and our friendship together. I do miss those people when I'm not talking to them. But I'm also so very grateful that they are living their lives even when I'm not with them.

Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Not because I have any expectations for it. I haven't a clue what tomorrow will be like. I'm just grateful for the peace of knowing that tomorrow may come.