Feelings, Food, and Work

SUNDAY!!!

I absolutely love Sunday! And it isn't just because of church. Honestly, there are Sundays I don't want to go to church. And as I've matured in my faith, I actually won't go on those days I'm just not feeling it. I do that to prevent myself from resenting my faith, if that makes sense?

The reason I love Sunday so much is that it is another day. I absolutely love every day! Sure, there are days when I don't really want to love anything...hehehe Not everything is awesome. My positive attitude takes a day off quite often, actually. But the fact that I am still here means that God isn't through with me just yet. He has a plan. And that is well worth celebrating!

So, as long as He has given me another day, I will rejoice and be glad in it. For this is a day that He has made! I'm asking Him to guide everything I think, say, and do today. I pray that it all brings Glory to Him. After all, He is the point of everything, right!?

I'm feeling the church vibe today. I'm grateful to be going to church today. Since I don't always feel that way, I do get extra excited on the Sundays I do feel it. But I must remind myself that these are just feelings. And, as a human, feelings can lie to me. That's why I remain in the Word every single day...regardless how I feel.

Shame and Sadness

Whoa! Today's service put the heavy on me. Just when I thought I already had enough to pray about and think through, today's message happens. I won't try to dissect it here in my journal. But I should probably try to talk about how it feels right now.

I have been going through a couple of handfuls of emotions lately. Rejection, abandonment, disbelief, shame, and sadness. I'm also feeling excitement, happiness, joy, love, and respect. I'm looking to God to help me focus on the latter more so than the former.

The two negative emotions I've felt the strongest lately have been the shame and sadness. To say it simply, I've really messed up for years. The weight of the shame I carry is almost too much to bear. And the sadness comes from a place of complete brokenness.

The passage from today's message was John chapter 4. This is the story of the woman at the well who has an encounter with Jesus. I don't know much about the woman. But what little I know makes me feel like I can relate to her. Except, there is one thing she does that I don't do much of these days.

After her encounter with Jesus, she goes into the city to share the Good News. The people there believed in Jesus because of her. And then they had their own encounters with Jesus over the next few days. They went from believing because of the woman, to believing in Jesus because of their own experience with Him. Isn't that how I need to be...don't I need to be sharing my encounter with Jesus to help lead others to Him?

Although I have spent the past 3 years trying to encourage, motivate, and inspire others, I'm afraid I'm sending the wrong message. I didn't do so intentionally, of course. That's why I'm working to change the messaging a bit this year. To focus more on my source of strength; which isn't from within. I want to move the focus onto God. So my prayer for that is that He gives me the words to say and that hearts will be open to His message.

This isn't the first time I've talked about that this year. But this isn't my shame. My shame is all of the poor decisions I have made. All of the people those poor decisions have hurt. None of it intentional. Yet all of it happened.

My sadness seems to come from how I don't feel deserving of the many blessings I have. I share it all freely. But I can't stop the sadness. I also don't feel I deserve to be happy. So, even when I do feel happiness, I talk myself out of it. Why do I do that!?

Of course, none of God's Blessings are really about me. It is all about Him. I hope I can start to feel okay with everything some day. It isn't like I can earn any of this. I'm not entitled to any of it. What I've earned and what I'm entitled to is the shame and sadness I feel.

Once again, I'm being too hard on myself. It's what I do...hehehe I'm forever grateful for the other emotions I feel now. The excitement, happiness, joy, love, and respect I feel now are growing stronger each day.

The past is in the past. I'm moving forward and no longer stuck in the past. And if it is His Will, someday my full spirit will be restored. All of the shame, sadness, rejection, abandonment, and disbelief will all be resolved. Every new day is a chance to accept things the way they are and for me to make better decisions that will Bless others instead of hurt them.

Food, Glorious Food

Although I'll continue to explore vegetarian foods, I'm essentially complete with my pescatarian diet. I found all of the plant-based meat alternatives made me feel pretty good. However, most still have some questionable ingredients. I'll probably try to come up with my own versions to see what I can come up with.

That said, I've reintroduced pork, beef, and chicken back into my diet. Once I am finished with all of the alternatives I have on hand, I'll be stocking up on real meat once again. And when I go out to eat, I'll probably not look for vegetarian unless they make their own from scratch. I don't trust the Impossible and Beyond brands to have my health in mind...hehehe I'll still have their products from time to time, though. Some of the festival foods at EPCOT use them. For me, most things in moderation are okay. I just don't want to make them a part of my standard diet.

This was a fun experiment. I learned a lot and will apply what I've learned as my diet continues to evolve. Part of the next phase will be making more things from scratch. This will include such things as breads and sauces. Making things from scratch doesn't just taste better, it allows me to avoid all of the additives companies put into food to maintain color, texture, and shelf life. Plus I can avoid all GMO products.

Alsomesauce

I talked with Dan tonight. I had texted him that I noticed a possible typo in his latest blog entry. Since he is using his blog as part of his trumpet playing gigs, I always let him know if something needs his attention. He's a professional and all...hehehe He was on his way home from a gig and couldn't text. So he called. It had been a little while. I last saw him last month when I went down to Naples to see him perform.

He was telling me about something he included in a composition he has been working. There is a note progression in it that spells out the name of the student he originally wrote it for who passed away last month in that fire in Arcadia. I think it is alsome (our spelling for awesome) that he modified the music to include this tribute to his student. Although he passed away, he will now live forever!

We also talked about Disney...hehehe He and his family are thinking about moving up closer to Disney so he can play his trumpet there. We've shared our love of Disney World since we've known each other. And he was my officiant at my Disney wedding...hehehe But it has been so long since we've hung out there together. I think the last time we went to one of the parks was in 2018. And it has been a year since we hung out at Disney Springs and did the resort hopping.

I'd also like to get down and pay them a visit soon. He's just been busy playing gigs on the weekends.

Lunch

For lunch, I went with what I made last night for dinner...LOL I liked it so much I needed it twice in a row...hehehe It was the last of my plant-based burgers. On the lower bun, I put on hoisin sauce, then the "burger" patty, followed by an Asian blend of pickled veggies, and a combo of Sriracha and Sriracha mayo. For the bun, it was a French roll from the local bakery. It was so good!

I air fried some fries to go with it. Using the air fryer makes fries so much better.

Dinner

I went with scallops for dinner. I put about a tablespoon of ghee in the pan and set the burner to medium-high heat. I season the scallops with just freshly ground pepper. I sear them 2-3 minutes per side. Super easy and super delicious...hehehe

I sliced up another one of those French rolls I have, toasted the slices in the oven, coated each with ghee, and sprinkled on some garlic powder. They were so good too!

I also steamed green beans and did the ghee with garlic powder thing. The dinner was so satisfying.

Funny how I was thinking about going out to eat tonight...HAHAHA I'm technically still on vacation today. But looking at my bank account after spending so much money at Disney, I decided I need to take a long break from eating out...hehehe

Back to Work

Well, vacation is over! Time to go back to work tomorrow...LOL I'm one of those weirdos who love Monday...hehehe I love going to work because working is a privilege not everyone has. I'm definitely grateful for my job!

I think I'll be wrapping up my latest project this week. I imagine it will take another week or two before it gets deployed to production. But I'll be finished with the coding work this week. It's exciting to finish this one because the other project I've been working on has been in progress for over a year. It will be nice to finally see one finished up...LOL

Let's have a great week!!!